ten fourteen, angels sing*
I am 22 today!
Dear Pappa Love.
I have heard rumors that you answer prayers. I asked for a verse this morning to reflect on.
You answered with Isaiah 55:7-13
Two words I have grown attached to and have a favor for are “compassion” and “abundance”
They ring in my ears like a song calling me. I found These two words in one sentence.
–verse 7:’
Let the wicked forsake his way
And the unrighteous man his thoughts, And let him return to the Lord, And he will have compassion on him,
And to our God,
For he will abundantly pardon.
I know my thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways narrow minded. But thank you for sending me a poem that would make my heart soar this morning. Knowing I am in you and you’re all around me gives me peace Lord.
THis past year has been so hard for me. I have been tried, shamed, challenged, and encouraged. I asked on my 21st birthday and New years that you would help me face my giants. In the back of my mind while writing you.. I knew what they were.
To stand up for what I believed was true, and to protect that truth.
My husband and I have faced tribulations and accusations that were far from our intentions. I have called upon your name using words King David cried when he was being inflicted. I have felt lost, confusion, and like giving up. But I’ll never forget that one night I ran away from home.
I was working in the ICU when I went in to help my patient. Turned out he was a baptist retired minister. He shared with me how he said it took faith for him to step down from the pulpit. Though it was something he knew God called him to, it was time that God called him down. It was conflicting for his soul to listen. But by faith, he shared, he was able to step down. From there on he has seen nothing but the hands of God on his life after retirement…. even still. Was it a glimmer hope?
He said to me: Young lady, I am sensing that tonight you are going to make a big decision.
I cried and said “yes, I am.”
He said: Well I will pray for you.
and held my hands to pray for me.
“my patient, praying for me?” I thought
But after he quietly said amen… the television sermon in the background noise grew louder. It was a sermon on the David facing his giant. the Pastor said that Goliath taunted David and threatened him. Degraded David in front of the philistine men and laughed at him. But David stood up for his God and said.. I will show you how powerful my God is.
Again. My heart let out a loud cry. Lord.. This is it. I was internally struggling with this all year. When do I throw my rocks? When do I advance?
That night was the night. With the help of a friend, I decided to leave home that night. It was very frightful. I’ll never forget it as long as I live.
I was 21, getting ready to graduate from Nursing school, engaged, and isolated. I was still being disciplined harshly with my father’s furious rod. I was done being physically beaten and emotionally abused.
I wrote my fiance an email. and that was it.
Gone for a month. filed a restraining order. shamed my family.
Not the way I planned it. BUT God took control. AFTER PRAYER and more PRAYER… The Lord came through in a way that was most Glorifying to him.
I was getting married. The abuse from my parents was slowly perishing. I had faced my Giants and my foes finally listened. Finally, Satan would stand in dumbfoundedness at the power of God.
My God helped me face my GIANTs.
BEcause he came to my aid.
I am worth more than sparrows, Pappa Whispered in kind reminder.
– Now I’m joyfully married to my best friend Fue, and sojourning with him. Discovering the life after the Giant’s defeat is more than what the mind can EVER imagine. God, Thank you for answering me. Helping me dance on water Jesus.
As this year closes and my 22nd year begins, my prayer is that you would sanctify me. Help me to draw a circle around my heart. I want your words to mold my life, not my parents, not my relatives, not my culture. I want to live by your word like a life jacket in rushing river water. Pappa, I pray it would be in your will to see me through and faithful to you by next birthday, if I live til then.
I love you lord, and can’t stop thinking of you. Thank you for your love, and unfailing help.
Jesus, You are my forever LOve.
Love always,
your Sousaniedancing
